WHY ALANIS MORISSETTE IS THE PERFECT MOUTHPIECE FOR ALL WOMEN SCORNED
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Itâs official. When someone asks, "Whatâs your favourite album?" Iâm no longer going to hesitantly mumble something about Elvis, INXS, or Sticky Fingers just to keep the peace. No, Iâm going full throttle with, âJagged Little Pill by Alanis (God) Morissette.â Shocking, right? Itâs not the pick youâd expect from someone who seems to have their life together ;), but itâs the one album that makes every woman who's been burned by a less-than-significant man scream, cry, and rage simultaneously, and sometimes, all before breakfast.
If you havenât listened to this masterpiece, well, you need to get your priorities right mate. Grab your best headphones, curl up in a chair, close your eyes, and let Alanis Morissette dismantle your emotional baggage in just 57 glorious minutes. The thought that someone's life can completely change in under an hour is spine chilling to me. Itâs like therapy, but you donât need a Medicare card or a spare limb to pay for it. This album came out before I was even born, but somehow, Alanis and I are the same person, with the same feelings, the same rage, and the same inexplicable compulsion to yell-sing at anyone whoâs ever wronged us. Coincidence? I think not doll.
Now, I donât mean to get all music nerd on you, but vocally, this album fucking hits different. Alanis recorded most of these tracks in one or two takes, and you can tell she wasnât aiming for "polished pop star." This was raw, real, and fueled by the pure, unfiltered desire to make sure all men know theyâre on bloody thin ice. Also, I was blown away by the list of absolute legends who contributed to this album. Flea on bass for âYou Oughta Knowâ? I mean, if Flea was channelling his Woodstock â99 energy, I hope he was as naked as his bass lines were filthy. And can we talk about Dave Navarroâs guitar? I feel like I need to lie down just thinking about it. Although nothing deserves more adoration than Alanisâ harmonica playing.
But letâs talk lyrics because thatâs where Jagged Little Pill really gets you. This album is essentially the holy scripture for women whoâve been through it with men who⌠well, frankly, suck ass, and not in a good way. Let me gush over a few tracks, because I could go on for days, but I know you have things to do. Like scream-singing Alanis songs.
ALL I REALLY WANT Here weâve got Alanis confronting her partner about their relationship, or lack thereof, while calmly (and by calmly, I mean fucking raging) asking for justice. "I donât mean to pick you apart, you see, but I canât help it." Same, girl. Same. Also, "What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate, someone else to catch this drift?" Oh, Alanis, let me sit down and pour you a drink because that question is tattooed on my soul. Why is it so hard to find a man who understands literally anything? Whatâs the drift, sir? Can you even spell "drift?"
YOU OUGHTA KNOW This one⌠where do I even start? If youâve been anywhere near me, you know this is my go-to song for karaoke, jam nights, and any moment someone hands me a mic and says, âMadison, sing something!â It was practically written for me. The sarcasm in âWould she have your baby? Iâm sure sheâd make a really excellent motherâ is delicious. As someone whoâs childfree by choice, I feel this so fucking deeply. And donât even get me started on "Every time you speak her name, does she know how you told me youâd hold me until you died?" Like, Alanis, how many times do we have to be told weâre someoneâs "person" only for them to move on in record time? And I mean, this song supposedly being about Dave Coulier? A man with SUCH a dopey face. The actual nerve. Heavily relating to giving all my energy to a man with a face like a stubbed toe. And just a note to end on for this song - âAnd are you thinking of me, when you fuck herâ... yes, yes they are.
HAND IN MY POCKET Another banger. Another one I love to cover. One of my personal weird flexes is knowing exactly what Alanisâ free hand is doing in every verse. If Iâm ever at trivia night and this comes up, prepare to witness greatness. Alanis brilliantly balances out every negative with a positive in this song. "Broke but happy. Poor but kind. Lost but hopeful." See? Things may be falling apart, but we can all still flick a cigarette with the other hand, like absolute queens.
RIGHT THROUGH YOU This under-appreciated gem doesnât get enough praise, and frankly, it deserves to be on every womanâs angry, post-breakup playlist. Itâs like âYou Oughta Knowâsâ moodier, crankier cousin whoâs had it with men pretending to be something theyâre not. "I see right through you, I know right through you, I feel right through you, I walk right through you." UGH! Iâm frothing at the mouth. Thereâs a particular venom in this line: "You took me out to wine, dine, 69 me, but didnât hear a damn word I said." The accuracy is terrifying. The best part? The last verse. Alanis fast-forwards to a future where sheâs become rich and famous (as she should), and these clowns are left trying to catch a whiff of her success. âNow that I'm Miss Thing, now that I'm a zillionaire, you scan the credits for your name, and wonder why it's not there.â Bitch. Period. The foreshadowing here? Absolute genius. Alanis really did make bank off this album, and you just know these guys are sitting on the couch with their clown shoes on still scrolling through the credits, desperately looking for some validation theyâre never going to get. It gives me chills.
HEAD OVER FEET Look, if youâve ever fallen in love just because someone asked how your day was, then congratulations, you relate to this song on a spiritual level. âYou ask how my day was. Youâve already won me overâ ... yeah, the bar is in hell, but somehow, Alanis makes it sound beautiful.
IRONIC This song needs no introduction. Weâve all screamed, âITâS LIKE RAAAAAINâ in the shower, the car, anywhere. I love that people nitpick the examples of irony, like, âActually, thatâs not ironic.â Oh, really? I bet Alanis knew some guy would mansplain that, and thatâs the real irony here. Either way, the harmonies in the chorus are pure bliss.
There you have it, friends. If youâve ever been hurt by a man who thinks saying, âIâll never leave youâ is somehow a challenge, this album will be your new best friend. Alanis knows your pain, sheâs screamed through it for you, and sheâs packaged it into an album so good, itâll make you feel alive again.
Wishing you all an exceptional week, or perhaps just an average one. Average is perfectly fine.
Song recommendation of the week: âJagged Little Pillâ - An album by Alanis Morissette (duh)
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